homesick

After moving out for a month, I got homesick.

It started about a week ago. I was OTing at my vendor’s office and then my brother spammed the family group chat. I was wondering what was it and the moment I saw the messages, I wanted to cry. They celebrated my mum’s birthday a few days early (because she was gonna be out of town on the actual day) and 1. nobody informed me. 2. my brother’s girlfriend was sitting in my usual spot.

I was really upset and I went to the toilet and bawled my eyes out LOL. It was either the homesickness, or stress, or both.

My dad called, explained that he heard from my mum that I was going to OT and that’s why he didn’t tell me. That’s not a valid reason! I told him I could go back for a little while and then return to work if I have to. He passed the phone to my mum and when she realised I was crying (really badly), she shouted to my dad, “她在哭!!”

I was crying my eyes out, I don’t even know if he could fully understand what I was saying in between the sobbing. I burst out saying that now that I’m no longer staying there, they keep forgetting about me. (They forgot to inform me they went to River Hongbao during CNY and I only found out through photos)

For the first time in my life, my dad pacified me. “没有啦没有啦。我们没有忘记你。不要哭啦爸爸最疼你”

My relationship with my dad.. we aren’t exactly the closest. I spend most of my teenage years not talking to him; I only acknowledge his presence when he comes home from work.

It got better after that though. And when I was about to move out, I felt that he focused a little bit more on me, than my brother. I’ve never burst out like this in front of my parents before. To hear him pacifying me, I think it is a personal milestone.

He called me before they left for Malaysia. That’s another first. Usually my mum would be the one calling. This time round, both of them called me. He called me again, when they had decent wifi and even gave me a hotel room tour. Yep, another first. Even A was surprised by it.

While they were away, I went back to my parents’ place to put some beer, and also because we were visiting a friend whose new BTO is just opposite the block. I got all emotional and I guess that was when the homesickness started. I missed my family so much, I spent the last 3 nights crying to sleep.

It feels stupid though. It’s not like I moved to another country or something. I’m just.. 45min away from them. Or is this a part of this whole new journey?

I won’t deny that moving out does help in my relationship with my parents. I’ve come to realise I’m more and more like my mum (that’s a story for another day) and because we are physically apart, I don’t get annoyed by her. I call her once every few days to just chat, ask for cooking advice/tips.

Happiness is.. going back to my parents’ place for dinner by my mum.

Went back for a couple of hours ystd & it was the best night in recent weeks. Contented to have a few hours with my parents, just chatting.

I waited for them to come back from work. (8.45pm)

Mum: of course must wait la! So long never see your face already.
Dad: how come haven’t go home?! later go home very late leh!

Dad kept chasing me home every 30min or so, saying that it will be late once I finish washing up. That’s his way of showing concern I guess.

Mum was happily sharing photos and stories of their recent Malaysia trip.

I guess as we grow older, such time spent together is just blissful. 💕